There are some memories that are great fun and you have to share them while others, you hold dear and near to your heart.
This story doesn’t fit either of the categories and I don’t know whether I should write about this or not. I miss her terribly but, I am unable to share my feelings with her.
My current situation compels me to write this in hopes that she might one day stumble upon this story and realizes my feelings for her.
I met her for the first time at my tuition center. We were both in the 10th standard. We never had a chance to talk and frankly, I didn’t particularly try.
After my 10th standard, I took admission in a College. On the very first day, I met her again and I was surprised to see her. I thought that she would join a Girl’s college for sure. That was the day when I was thinking of her for the whole day. She got stuck in my head and I started watching her secretly. Even though she was in Science stream and I was in Humanities, I found every opportunity to try to see her at least once a day.
I did not know what to do. Should I tell her or not? This was the thought that kept bouncing around in my head. This was the first time that I loved someone. I had never had words with any girls until that time and I had no courage to meet her upfront.
I had to tell someone and eventually, I shared my feelings with my cousin, Abhi. We were in the same class with the same subjects. After telling him my feelings, He was very happy to hear that and was ready to help me.
He started talking to her classmates and found a friend in Inder. My cousin later introduced me to Inder and we became good friends. I also told Inder about my feelings and was impatiently waiting for a chance to meet her.
I started following her after college and even get her home address. I did everything that would lead me to her and even changed my stream to Science for a week. I started sitting next to her, and soon everyone noticed me and started teasing her about me.
I was after her. She starting noticing my behavior, but she never talked to me. The worst thing was that she started getting irritated whenever she saw me. Nothing was working out for me.
One day, when I entered her class, she just left. That was the first time that I noticed her pain. In my selfish attempts, I had forgotten to take her feeling into consideration. I stopped sitting next to her, stopped following her and never bother her again.
Even if peace was not meant for me, at least, let her have it. That is what I thought. However, deep within my heart, I still wanted to talk to her. I was hurt and after that, I decided to leave my college. I changed my branch after 11th standard and joined NDA classes as well. In, the evening I worked in a gaming shop in an attempt to stay busy.
However, I felt guilty inside and felt bad for her. I wanted to say sorry to her but as I mentioned earlier, I didn’t have the courage.
After two years I came to know that she joined a college for her Bachelor’s Degree and luckily one of my friends was in the same college and same class as her. I, somehow, convinced my friend to share her number and wanted to call her and just apologize.
As the phone rang, my heart was beating so fast. She picked up the call and I blanked out. I couldn’t muster any words out of my mouth and disconnected the call. I do not know what happened.
After 5 mins, I called her again. The moment she picked up the phone, I told her who I was. She immediately said, “I do not want to talk to you, Don’t call me.” I replied, “Please listen to me once.” She paused for a second and then agreed. I said, “I am so sorry for what I did to you. Please forgive me.” She then answered, ”On one condition that you will never call me again.” I replied fine and have never called her again since.
I now realize that calling her was a bad mistake. Even though I was wrong, I should have talked to her directly and talked with her like a man. I didn’t know that this would have happened. I just wanted to share my feeling and marry her. But everything went wrong.
Even to this day, I still feel bad for what I did. I just want to say “I am sorry Shabnam”.